If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
