its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
