An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
