My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
