Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was not drunk enough for that final.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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