so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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