Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
