the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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