Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
