I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
