is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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