everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
