So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
