I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
