i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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