i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
