Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
