I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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