it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
