i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
