Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
