I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
