i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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