Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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