If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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