even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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