Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
high people should be assigned attendants
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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