Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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