I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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