I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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