Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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