i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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