He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
