i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
