I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
