Sponge bath it is.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
