you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
