I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
