Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize