i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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