i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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