Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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