OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
