I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
