She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
