Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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