So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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