sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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