I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
