Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
