ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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