Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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