franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
