I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
