Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
