i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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