So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
