so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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