Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Please, let me fuck your mom
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
