You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
