I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
