You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
