Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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