fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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