Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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