I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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