I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
