i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
