So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
