I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
