God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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