what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
